Grieved

I still can’t digest the fact that Xuefen ended her own life. WHY SO SILLY?!! SO DUMB!!!! She’s gone forever. Ok. Even typing this out is intolerable. I just can’t control the tears at the thought.

My, I have so much to say, so much to ask. And I know there’s no way I can find the answers.

Remember those times when we went to school, loo, water cooler, Pe lessons, recess, home, and literally everywhere together, with Mildred. When we nicknamed you ‘shioh hoon’ and you acknowledged it. When you liked to order laksa with many spoonfuls of chilli all the time and how we laughed at your lack of health consciousness. When you never failed to make us roll our eyes and laugh like mad with silly jokes like saying it was time to go home even before flag-raising. When we compared the price of our newly bought sportsbra, and always preferred the racer-back ones. When you always laughed at our conversation and made unexpected and super hilarious comments. When we mimicked the way you walk with the tiny hop and your unique way of standing. When we went over to your place to watch porn like it was a comedy. When we wanted to play bball but your ball was flat and your brother had to ride to east coast just to inflate it. When we encouraged each other to stay away from troubles and give undivided attention to our studies. When we got a lil disappointed with you when you went to rebond your already very neat hair just the day before a paper during o levels. When you were in full uniform even for CIP when we were scruffily clad in PE tee and flip flops. When you always sigh and say ‘hen sian’ and we found it ridiculous. When you made us laugh with your blithe indifference towards your ex bf , Ah heng. Sigh. Sigh. Siiigggggghhhhhhhhh. So many whens.

Xuefen.150608.

Love,

Xiangrui.